Sunday, March 15, 2009

Finding Out

God has been so good! So, Michael and I had always agreed we didn’t want to ‘try’ to get pregnant, but just take away barriers and let it happen naturally. So, in early November we quit preventing, but that was it. No charting, no looking at dates or anything else. I kinda had this feeling in mind that December was the month, but didn’t give it much thought. I was getting more and more excited about the prospect of having a baby as time went by, and the more I thought about it, I started to think maybe the focus on December wasn’t from me, but was from God. So, imagine my disappointment when I got my period on December 20th. I was so frustrated and disappointed. Then, on December 28th I had a message from a friend asking if I was pregnant, saying that she had a feeling. We had not told anyone we were even thinking of a baby at this point, so her message was out of nowhere. It hit me that this was God, confirming what he told me. The science told me that I probably wouldn’t get pregnant in December, but the fact that a couple of spiritual friends brought it up to me in those last days of December and early January confirmed it to me in different ways really hit home, and I prayed very hard that God would show me how He was speaking to me. I want to hear Him more. I didn’t want this idea of December to be of me, I wanted it to be His plan or not happen, so prayed a lot about it. Then, I started having all sorts of symptoms that made me think perhaps I was pregnant. But still, I had felt all of that before and it was just PMS. So, I continued to pray. I waited to take a pregnancy test until I was sure my period was late, since mine is never that reliable. I took a test on Saturday morning, and I remember being so excited. I remember suddenly feeling hot and my heart was pounding as I went to tell Michael the news. He hugged me, but cautioned not to get my hopes up. I went to the gym and while I was running it started snowing, just a little bit. That right there was a sign to me from God, confirming this miraculous gift He was giving us. I have always loved the snow, and recently I have felt that God gives me snow at special times to let me know of His love. On the way home from running errands I got some more tests. I waited for Michael to get home to take them, and I could tell he was as anxious as me. I was trying to stay cool, putting off taking it, and he wanted to hurry up and do it. He read the results of the second one – positive again! We were so excited, went to dinner with friends trying to figure out how to hide the fact that I wasn’t drinking. Sunday he asked when I was going to take another test. At first I wasn’t going to, thinking I should just trust God and not need a confirmation, but then I thought ‘Why not, God wants us to enjoy this and this is fun!’ So I took it, and for half a second had Michael going that it came back negative.

That Monday I was so excited to call the doctor, thinking they would want me to come in that day. I was kind of disappointed that they don’t want to see me until 8 weeks! But, I left a message with some questions, got a call back with some answers, and found out, because of the Factor V (a blood clotting disorder I have) they want me to see a specialist sooner. Yea! Factor V is good for something! Then I started to question my motivation behind it- did I force this to happen- but Michael assured me I did not. If they had said no need for anything special I would have been fine with that. Then I was worried that the specialist they were recommending might not be on my plan. I searched the website and couldn’t find him, started to let that worry me. But Tuesday morning I prayed about it and asked God to please let him be on my plan. Finally found his name on the Christ hospital website and then searched him on Cigna and it looks like he is fine. God is so good! Everything is working out so well.

I am praying away fear, sending away the evil spirits that are trying to attack me and make me worry about every little thing. This is God’s child, and He can take care of him or her better than I can if I just let him. Psalm 27:1 says “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” And Philippians 4:6-7 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I trust Him, and I am so thankful!

1 comment:

  1. i love that you "just let it happen." i think that's awesome, and it's what i have always wanted for myself as well. as that is pretty much impossible for me, i'll just be jealous of you. :) no, seriously, there is something about taking the stress out of it and just letting it happen, letting it be all about love. i'm super excited for you guys.