Our hearts' desires are a powerful thing. Sure, they are the stuff of famous love songs, the plots of books and movies, but when you really think about it, they motivate us in life. What are the desires of your heart? The things you truly seek and know deep inside, things you may keep to yourself, just share with your spouse, things you may hesitate to share with the whole world? I believe that God grants us the desires of our hearts because I believe that He put them there. I believe that He creates those different desires in each of us, and I believe He loves seeing them fulfilled in our lives.
One of my heart's desires has always been to be a wife and mother. More than anything in this world I have felt God calling me to that from a young age. A little over three years ago He fulfilled that desire to be a wife, and now He is in the process of fulfilling the desire to be a mom. (I would say that I am already a mom, my little boy just isn't out here where everyone can see him yet.)
Regarding that desire to be a mom, I have always had a strong desire not to have labor induced. Not saying induction is right or wrong categorically, just that I have always felt it wasn't right for me. That feeling has not gone away during this pregnancy, despite the fact that, because of the Factor V and heparin injections, my doctors have all talked to me about induction, numerous times. I feel that the strong desires of our hearts, our dreams and passions, are placed there by God, and He will fulfill them. I trust Him in that. As I have dealt with the doctors I have asked God repeatedly to show me if my heart needs to change on this subject. I have asked Him to call me out if this is me trying to control things or do things my way, instead of His. Yet not once have I felt that conviction change. I know this is what God wants.
Today, I get a call from my doctors office again telling me they want me to schedule an induction. I explained to the nurse that I do not want an induction, unless they are telling me that there is a problem or concern from today's ultrasound. Is there anything wrong? No, they tell me. He scored a perfect 8 on his biophysical profile. Amniotic fluid levels are good, he is doing his practice breathing, he measures well. I have been having intermittent contractions for the past few days. Things are progressing. So, I reiterate, I would rather wait and let it happen naturally. Now they want me to go in to meet with the doctor tomorrow to 'discuss.'
I am steeping myself, my baby, and this entire process in prayer. I am so glad that it is in God's hands. I am so glad that we can turn ourselves over to his protection and not worry about anything (Phil 4:6) and that through Him all things are possible (Phil 4:13). He wants us to be healthy and prosper (3 John 1:2). I do not have to fear, for He is with me and will strengthen me (IS 41:10.) I can cast all my anxiety on Him (1 Peter 5:7.) And Psalm 22:9 tells me He will bring this baby safely from my womb. Wow. He is stronger than any other power, and He is on my side. What have I to fear?